A Mother’s Promise
Promises are meant to be followed through, especially those made to a mother. At least, that’s what he believed in.
It always began with a glass of whiskey. Every time my mother would pour herself a drink, I knew what to expect.
“I used to have a sister, you know …”
She would say, with a faraway look on her face. We had heard this line a million times, but she would never say anything beyond this. It always felt that she was no longer in the room, only physically present. Her eyes would cloud with an emotion that I could never put my finger on, but it never failed to unnerve me.
Sayed had chosen to stay back with her. It had been five years since I had walked out, Sayed was ten then, and I remember begging him to come with me and his steadfast refusal to abandon her. The gaunt look in his eyes continued to haunt me as I left that decrepit apartment.
It wasn’t surprising that he chose her, his devotion to her had only grown exponentially as the years went by. Children often adore their parents, I know, but it always felt as if he was an extension of hers. Even as a three-year-old, it was almost like he could sense the thoughts passing through that muddled mind of hers. And then there were those smiles.
We would sit to have our meals at the end of the day and she would sit with her glass, and as she drowned herself in that bottle of hers, Sayed would sit beside her, a knowing smile on his face as he played with his strange little hammer. I don’t even remember where he got it from, but it was his most precious belonging; he would not part from it even when he went to bed. I had often teased him that the hammer couldn’t fix anything for him, but he never deterred from his love for it. He carried it with him wherever he went.
All the children I knew had grown up surrounded by a gazillion relatives; do not get me wrong, I was happier in my solitude, but I hated the unanswered questions. Often, I tried asking her about this sister that she used to mention, but she always got this blank look as if she had no clue who I was talking about. As Sayed grew up, I tried to speak to him about it, but he would just hum a little tune and give the strangest smile that I had seen on a child’s face. Something within stopped me from treading any further. I never had the courage to cross that barrier.
It all changed that evening when I entered the apartment to a scene that would never leave me again. A strong stench welcomed me; my stomach clenched with dread, but I could not turn back, not until Sayed was inside. My feet fell into something wet and sticky. I didn’t have to look down to see what it was. The blood was all over the floor and on the wall.
There was Sayed, cleaning the wall with a trepid smile on his face, and there she was, standing in the kitchen, humming that ridiculous tune. As she heard my footsteps, she turned around with a big smile on her face. It was not a smile that I had seen before. For the first time, I saw something almost sinister glowing in her eyes — a maniacal glee that filled me with horror.
“I have cooked a delicacy for you today.”
“What is Sayed cleaning?”
“Get bowls for everyone, quick, it’s getting cold.”
“What is Sayed cleaning?”
“It took me almost four hours to get this ready. Don’t spoil it now.”
“What are you cleaning, Sayed?”
“Enough with the questions, jaan. You know how much I hate questions, don’t you?”
She was standing near me now, a ladle in her hand. She stared into my eyes and I knew that the ladle might as well be a knife. I swallowed a scream within and glanced at Sayed. He was almost done cleaning the wall; his little hammer was lying innocently near his feet.
That night there was no whiskey. There was just music filled in the air. She and Sayed danced to Sinatra’s crooning till late at night while I sat staring at the empty bowl, thinking of the meal that we had just finished. I had no more questions, I didn’t want to know what we had eaten. It wasn’t anything that we had eaten before.
I walked out of the apartment that night. I gathered my belongings while Sayed kept holding onto her hand and she smiled at me. Standing outside the gate, I kept staring at them until she softly put a finger on her lips.
I never looked back again, not until I received a call this morning. I could barely recognise his cracked voice as he whispered my name. A thousand questions ran through my mind, but before I could say anything, he continued,
“Mamma is dead. Please come home.”
My mind turned blank. All the nightmares that haunt me came to life at once, it was almost like she was sitting beside me, her presence was all around. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. She was gone. Sayed was alone, and I could not abandon him again.
I did not know what to expect as I climbed those stairs that I had thought I’ll never be seeing again. Though, what I saw was not something that I had expected. I couldn’t believe that this tall and lanky boy was my brother.
He welcomed me with hesitation like he did not know what to do with my presence. I sat down on the chair as he went to the kitchen. My voice seemed stuck in my throat, words barely framing in my mind. What could I possibly say? I had abandoned them five years ago. I gazed around the apartment, taking in everything that I remembered; it was all the same. It felt like time had stopped the night that I left.
Sayed came back with tea and biscuits. I still didn’t know what to say as he sat beside me, stretching his legs, and resting his head on the chair.
“We buried her yesterday. I imagined you wouldn’t want to see her anyhow.”
It was true, I never wanted to see that face which was always at the back of my mind. I may have abandoned her, but she continued to be with me wherever I went, like a silent shadow, ready to smother me at any moment. But it was time to think about Sayed. I might have been haunted by her, but it was he who continued living with her.
“What do you want to do?”
“Have your tea first, we have a lot to speak. I don’t even know where to start.”
How could this fifteen-year-old handle this so maturely while I was grappling with things to say? I sipped my tea and observed this boy before me — no longer my little brother. He was staring out the window now. He smoothly wiped his eyes and I realised that behind this mask of sensibility was a scared boy who had loved his mother deeply and had just lost his world. I could not think what all those haunted eyes had witnessed over the years, but I knew that he deserved a sister who would stand by him now. I couldn’t abandon him again.
While all these thoughts ran into my mind, he suddenly turned towards me and smiled. It was the same smile that had filled me with horror all those years ago, his eyes gleaming with something …
I woke up with a mind-numbing pain in my abdomen. My mind went into overdrive as I realised that I could barely move. I felt something moving across my arm and as I opened my eyes, I saw Sayed standing above me with that little hammer in his hand. It was only a moment later that I realised something — I was bleeding.
“I love you … this is just something that I have to do. You see, I had promised her.”
“So, what’s your story?”
“I used to have a sister, you know …”
